I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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