And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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