She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
is this the sara with the beer cane?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
