it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize