Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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