I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
