I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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