my soul wont recognize me after tonight
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
What a dumb baby whore.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
