where does the pee come out of this thing
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
