Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
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