Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
