He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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