She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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