it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
