Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
