sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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