You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
