speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Im part way to drunk.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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