her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Drunk walkin through police station. America
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
