Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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