garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
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