I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
This toilet bowl is my home.
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