Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Randomize
