She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
