you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
