when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
