i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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