totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
