I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
