I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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