she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
My breasts were aching with rage.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
