I just threw up on my dentist
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
The power of my boobs compel you
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
