So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
