batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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