haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
