My liver just broke up with me...
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
