Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
