Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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