I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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