she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Even my vagina gasped.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
