I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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