i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
