Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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