who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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