the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Randomize
