Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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