drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
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