She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
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The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
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We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible