I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
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ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
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The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!