pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
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she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
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The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.