dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
high people should be assigned attendants
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.