i'm lost and i look like a hooker
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash