11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder