The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
