You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
