I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
