dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
