i think my tv is drunk
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
