you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
