Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
