So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
