Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I am in a vortex of obligation.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
21 Disappointing Confessions From Teenage Fathers
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.