Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
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thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.