So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream