new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.