Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
my poor anus
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
