even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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