It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
