True but thats because hes a fetus.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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