I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
